Clothing Became My Barrier to Success

I hired a business coach recently who helped me to find clarity about what I was offering the world. At one point I confessed that I’ve always wanted to be on a stage. She zoned in on that and pushed me to get to the source of why I wasn’t doing that yet. What was the barrier? She led with a common thought: do you not feel worthy?

Not at all! I definitely feel worthy. Thank goodness! I’ve done a lot of work in that area and am feeling excellent and deserving.

She wondered about me feeling like I don’t have the skills yet.

I mean, I know there’s always more to learn, but I wouldn’t let that hold me back from starting. I tend to say ‘yes’ to things before I’m ready.

She then asked me to visualize myself on stage with a mic to see what comes up. That unlocked the secret! Picturing myself on a stage felt hard because I have no idea what I’d wear!

I’ve worn clothes to look a part before, but I always feel like I’m not doing it right. That’s one reason I loved working at the naturist park for 8 years. My skin always suits me. I was just leaving the park the other day (it’s December) and saw folks wearing the typical outdoor garb: winter boots and a housecoat. My heart sung! Yes! These are my kind of people!

This whole ‘dress for success’ in the textile world is tricky on a few levels. Firstly, I’m not interested in playing the game. I don’t want to dress ‘the way people do’ with dress pants, blouse, blazer, heels. Not only because that’s not me and I refuse to fit into a palatable box, but because those items tend to not look good on me. Clothing can be used to express oneself, but I don’t want to just vary that uniform by adding a slightly different cut or beads or patterns.

My body looks so normal and natural to me nude. It’s only when I try to wear clothes do I get judgy about it. I have hips, but pants and shorts slide right off unless I wear a belt that squeezes me uncomfortably. Blouses are little perverts, always grabbing at a bra strap and yanking down. And don’t get me started on my feet! Again, lovely and perfect when they’re bare, but extremely inconvenient to shove into shoes, especially dressy ones. Why do dressy shoes narrow at the toes? Squeezing toes together isn’t healthy for anyone! I don’t think that I should have to give up being comfortable to give an appearance of professionalism. That concept is stupid.

If I were to imagine what would suit me on stage I see a kaftan, sandals and fun earrings. A kaftan is a silky loose dress that feels amazing against my skin. It’s loose enough that I can ‘get away with’ not wearing undergarments, perfect. I also like that it seems flowy and feminine without sculpting my shape, which helps me feel protected against prying eyes. Sandals can still be beautiful, and they’ll let my feet be at their best. And fun earrings draw attention to my eyes and smile. If I were taking the stage as Nikki giving a Nikki talk, I would wear this outfit without hesitation.  But if I’m hired by someone to speak in a corporate setting where people don’t know who I am and it’s important to gain their trust I fear that my comfy kaftan won’t be the right choice.

Since that’s a possibility for me this year, I actually Googled “where do cool women in their 40s shop”. Bloody hell! It’s kind of hilarious really. Clothing has become my barrier to success. Play the game or you’re out. I’ll see if I can have some fun with it.