Man, I’m proud of the person I’m growing into!
I was contacted via Instagram about getting some photos professionally done. The only compensation they were looking for was for me to share the photos and give them credit. Sweet deal! Then I remembered that this is a stranger from the internet, and it would be wise to not go alone. I chose a day to meet the photographer with Gerald in tow.
He gathered enough info to know that I lead yoga and meditation and mentioned that we could do shots that reflected that, and I could use for my business. I thought long and hard about what I’d wear. I had ideas, but I didn’t actually own most of what my imagination led me to. Then I thought, I am a Yoga Instructor, I don’t need to prove that with my clothing. So, I went with a red peasant top, because red looks nice on me, and I like that it doesn’t suck up against my tummy. I paired it with some high rise, black, stretchy jeans and some tan-coloured boots. I felt nice.
The photographer met up with us and we had a pleasant, easy-going time. At one point though he said, “I kind of wish you had worn something that would make you look more like a Yoga Instructor.” I had a quick moment of feeling like I’d let him down. Here he was, taking these photos for free so he can build a portfolio, and I didn’t give him the “authentic” yoga pics he was hoping for. Then I recalled a very cringeworthy moment from my past when I’d said something similar.
The amazing woman I was working with for this non-profit social justice program mentioned that she was a lesbian. And I said, “Oh! You don’t look like a lesbian”. I hate remembering that. She was the first lesbian I’d ever chatted to though and I had an idea in my mind of what they all looked like. Sha said, calmly, sweetly, bless her heart, “Well Nikki, that’s the thing, I am a lesbian, so this is what a lesbian looks like.” So, I used those sage words here with the photographer.
“I am a Yoga Instructor, so this is what a Yoga Instructor looks like.” I also mentioned that I used to buy the lululemons etc. but these days am usually just wearing a comfy t-shirt and leggings (or nothing at all). When I think of how a Yoga Person dresses, I picture two options: athletic spandexy stuff or loose organic clothes with lots of beaded bracelets. Both options are true AND there are lots of other ways to be.
As cringeworthy as these moments are, I think they’re good for us. Basically, we’re bold enough to admit that we’ve been putting a kind of person into a box, and we don’t know much about them beyond that. I’m grateful that the woman from my past was patient with me. And now I pay it forward by being patient with others.
Stereotypes are there for a reason, there’s often some truth to them. But all people are muti-faceted.
May you have the confidence to:
~not be held back by what you think you ought to look like to do what you want to do
~speak up for yourself to patiently guide another human into understanding
~ask respectful questions to learn more beyond the box in your mind
Our interaction could have gone a variety of different ways after him saying that line. I could have been argumentative. I could have been sullen and angry with myself. I’m so glad that I’ve learned to pause, to consider the intention, and to remember how good it feels to love myself and fellow humans. That’s growth for me. And now I have some lovely photos from a good photographer.
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